On Wanting the Stage Without Consecration, Crazy Faith and Unfulfilled Promises.
Hey you,
It’s been a minute, I know.
I have a lot to write to you about. God has been teaching me so much. I don’t even know how to start this newsletter. You know what, just keep reading.
Some months ago, God opened my eyes to something I didn’t even know I harbored, which was wanting the spotlight without the consecration that comes with it, wanting people to see me a certain way when I lacked intimacy, wanting visibility without him in it. I was shocked by the content in my heart. I thank God because he’s a merciful one. I repented and started questioning the posture of my heart with the help of the holy spirit.
I can share this now, well, because God has worked on me and is still working in me. I’ve come to realize that I’m just a vessel. Nothing more, and I find it pretty humbling that this great God would consider me faithful and trustworthy for his vision. Has God ever told you to do something, and your response is Why me? Why would you search the entire surface of the earth and choose me for this purpose?
I was reading 1 Tim 1:12, and Paul’s words drew my attention.
“I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has given me strength to do his work. He considered me trustworthy and appointed me to serve him,”
That God would consider me worthy to do his work is such a big deal and a huge responsibility. It’s a great privilege that I should never take for granted. And then I wanted to take glory, for what I didn’t sow? C’mon!
This is why heart checks are needed, you need to ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart and let you know what displeases him. I had to ask myself why I wanted the stage without intimacy. In fact, why do I even want the stage?
While praying, this question led me to the ultimate one. The Holy Spirit asked me, “Is God not enough for you?”
And I’d be honest, at that moment, he didn’t feel like enough. That’s when I knew that I’d gone astray. My heart wasn’t with God anymore. I couldn’t even answer the question; I just sat fixed on my bed, exhausted. I shared this experience so you see that I’m not perfect and everything I write here is because God has taken me through a process, and I can share this now because I’ve been taught and corrected by the Lord.
You see, the problem is we still have desires that aren’t of God because of our human nature. These desires may not be necessarily bad, but sometimes it’s not what God wants for you. And when our desires don’t align, we sometimes try to get God to actualize desires that aren’t his. Like we want God in his holiness to bring to pass things that our sinful nature craves, how do we expect that to work?
I realized my gaze had shifted. I didn’t desire intimacy anymore, and as much as I claimed to love God, I didn’t love him because when you love someone, you love them for who they are and not what they can give. I also didn’t feel like God was enough for me. My mind got so clouded by earthly things that I forgot that he’s all that matters.
I wanted the stage to be seen, to be heard. “Global Jummy” has a nice ring to it, right? But at what cost? At the cost of my relationship with God? Now I realize the stage without the one in control of the stage is just a waste of time. I’d be like an empty barrel making loud noises. And why did I even want to be seen by others when the Creator of the world sees me? Wasn’t that enough for me?
I stumbled on a video, I couldn’t watch it because it wasn’t loading but I remember seeing the caption and the individual wrote something related to “Well-done, my good and faithful servant” as I pondered on that statement for a while, I figured sometimes believers, my former self included, stopped seeking to hear “Well-done, my good and faithful servant” from the lord and even when we heard it, we wanted more. We wanted something more weighty, as if God’s acknowledgement wasn’t good enough.
I think social media isn’t supposed to be an everyday thing. We weren’t made to have this much access and insight into people’s lives. It leaves us discontent, and comparison becomes a norm. We fail to see the goodness in our lives because it doesn’t look like someone else’s feed. Your growth doesn’t feel like enough because your age mate is on global stages. We begin to struggle with things we have no business struggling with because our eyes have unfortunately seen too much. And no, I don’t mean be close-minded and not aim for better things, but it’d do us good to ask the Holy Spirit if we are where he’d want us to be
Amidst all of this, the Holy Spirit started asking me some questions. He asked “What if you weren’t called to be on the stage?” and I’d like to ask you,
What if you weren’t called to be on the stage or on the pulpit?
What if you were called to help sick people in the hospital?
What if you were called to raise Children that’d grow to know and love the Lord?
What if where God placed you was in an office somewhere as a clerk?
What if you were called to work behind the scenes?
What if you never got the visibility you desired?
I think we’ve glorified some callings so much that we fail to realize not everyone is called to be on the stage, and that doesn’t make you or your calling less. For you, your place of ministry might be between the hospital walls, it might be on the street, or it might be in that small office God placed you in. I remember talking to a colleague, and she said something that got me thinking for days. She said God revealed to her Uncle that he would help disciple people who’d become powerful men of God, but he’d never climb the pulpit. I was stunned, I honestly couldn’t believe my ears because my thinking process was if someone can help disciple and train great individuals, then he must have some great teaching qualities and a good relationship with God. But the truth is God’s ways aren’t ours. He sees what we can’t see, and we can never fathom how his mind works.
Now, don’t get me wrong. God has great plans for his children. He wants you to live in good health and wealth, but do you ever stop to think that your reason for not being where you want to be is because you were never supposed to be there in the first place? I mean, do you ever stop to ask God if you are where you’re supposed to be or ask him to place you where he’d have you be?
During people’s birthdays, I never say to them, “I pray that all you desire comes to pass.” Instead, I say, “I pray that all that God desires for you comes to pass,” because I know that his way is the best. It can seem absurd sometimes to the human lens, scratch that, a lot of times actually, but it’s always for a good cause.
I read Hebrews 11 last week, and let’s just say I was stunned. I’ll tell you why.
The writer of Hebrews starts the chapter by talking about Faith. Stating what Faith is and that God can’t be pleased without faith. He goes ahead to state different patriarchs of the faith who had so much hope in God even without seeing the reality. Now the part that struck me was verse 13.
“All these people died still believing what God had promised them. They did not receive what was promised, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed it. They agreed that they were foreigners and nomads here on earth.”
They all still died believing what God had promised them. What manner of trust is that? It’s mind-blowing, really. These people put their lives on the line, they had crazy faith, they ran with the vision regardless of the result. For all they cared, God sent them, and they trusted him enough that he’d fulfill his promise even if they might never get to see it. Isn’t that wild?
Verses 35-37 go ahead to explain all the turmoil they went through. And this brings me to this question.
“Even if there’s no reward, is God still worth serving?”
Kindly think about this before proceeding.
God, in his mercy, rewarded us; there’s an eternal reward. We know that this isn’t the end, that God has something better in mind for us.
“All these people earned a good reputation because of their faith, yet none of them received all that God had promised. For God had something better in mind for us, so that they would not reach perfection without us.”
These Patriarchs didn’t receive all that God had promised because it wasn’t time yet, but they served God faithfully regardless. How much more us living in the promises? How much more us who have experienced the perfection that’s in Christ? These people knew Christ was going to come, atone for their sins, so they could be made perfect in him, but they never got the chance to live in that promise. You and I are living in the fulfilled promises, so why do we still fail to trust in God’s promises even if they’re not fully visible?
My prayer is that God helps us to persevere in the faith and to live with an eternal perspective in mind, focusing on his ultimate promises rather than temporary circumstances.
Chit Chat.
Hey you,
I’m always so happy to write to you. This newsletter has been in the works since June. I started writing something on visibility and platforms, but it didn’t feel like I was hitting the nail on the head. It was as though there was something left to write, but I couldn’t place my hands on it, so I just left it in my notes. I’d go over it, ask God what He’d have me write to you, and learn a lot in the process, because much of what I write here is actually for me. Then, once I feel I’ve pondered enough, I’d put it to pen. Don’t even get me started on how many times I started writing, stopped, and started again.
Today’s newsletter is a deep one; it’d cause you to think and have conversations with the Holy Spirit. I hope it spurs you to do a heart check with the lord.
I’m doing great, by the way, it’s exactly two months to my birthday as I type this on the 24th of September. I’m looking forward to it, honestly. I’m really not bothered about turning a new age, as far as I’m concerned, I’m still 18, I don’t care what’s in my birth certificate. I’m looking forward to dressing up, taking cute pictures, and spending time with my friends and the Lord. Now, I’d like you all to join me in prayers for provision because I’d like to celebrate this birthday with my loved ones like an actual birthday party, but mine would be very different, as it’d involve a writing and a spelling bee competition. Since I can’t take them on an obstacle course and we can’t all go hiking, they should at least do something challenging. If you have any good competition ideas, please share.
By the way, I’m so glad the year is almost over. Yes, I still have some goals I’m yet to achieve, and I’m really trying to reach them, but 2025 has been a lot. I’m over it a bit, but I’m still looking forward to all that God has in store for the remaining months.
I really hope you’re doing great. I hope you haven’t let the worries of this world put you in a chokehold. I hope you make time to fellowship with God and the brethren. Thank you for reading. See you next time, hopefully in a very short while.
Recommendations.
Lately, I’ve been so undone before God. His presence is everything and I thank God for music that helps you be bare in his presence.
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This is truly profound, Olajumoke. It's helping me reflect. And those recommendations? Gosh! Thank you for sharing everything you did. 🫂💖
I just had a convo with the Holy Spirit about this just before I came to Substack. I repented for these desires that is wrapped with good intentions but doesn't glorify Him. I pray God helps us focus on Him above all else. Amen!